34 Excuses for Why We Failed at Love

by: Warsan Shire

1. I’m lonely so I do lonely things
2. Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same.
3. You hate women, just like your father and his father, so it runs in your blood.
4. I was wandering the derelict car park of your heart looking for a ride home.
5. You’re a ghost town I’m too patriotic to leave.
6. I stay because you’re the beginning of the dream I want to remember.
7. I didn’t call him back because he likes his girls voiceless.
8. It’s not that he wants to be a liar; it’s just that he doesn’t know the truth.
9. I couldn’t love you, you were a small war.
10. We covered the smell of loss with jokes.
11. I didn’t want to fail at love like our parents.
12. You made the nomad in me build a house and stay.
13. I’m not a dog.
14. We were trying to prove our blood wrong.
15. I was still lonely so I did even lonelier things.
16. Yes, I’m insecure, but so was my mother and her mother.
17. No, he loves me he just makes me cry a lot.
18. He knows all of my secrets and still wants to kiss me.
19. You were too cruel to love for a long time.
20. It just didn’t work out.
21. My dad walked out one afternoon and never came back.
22. I can’t sleep because I can still taste him in my mouth.
23. I cut him out at the root, he was my favorite tree, rotting, threatening the foundations of my home.
24. The women in my family die waiting.
25. Because I didn’t want to die waiting for you.
26. I had to leave, I felt lonely when he held me.
27. You’re the song I rewind until I know all the words and I feel sick.
28. He sent me a text that said “I love you so bad.”
29. His heart wasn’t as beautiful as his smile
30. We emotionally manipulated one another until we thought it was love.
31. Forgive me, I was lonely so I chose you.
32. I’m a lover without a lover.
33. I’m lovely and lonely.
34. I belong deeply to myself.

17 Euphemisms for Sex From the 1800s

1. Amorous congress
To say two people were engaged in the amorous congress was by far the most polite option on the list, oftentimes serving as the definition for other, less discreet synonyms.

2. Basket-making
“Those two recently opened a basket-making shop.” From a method of making children’s stockings, in which knitting the heel is called basket-making.

3. Bread and butter
One on top of the other. “Rumor has it he found her bread and butter fashion with the neighbor.”

4. Brush
“Yeah, we had a brush once.” The emphasis here is on brevity; just a fling, no big deal.

5. Clicket
“They left together, so they’re probably at clicket.” This was originally used only for foxes, but became less specific as more and more phrases for doing it were needed.

6. Face-making
Aside from the obvious, this also comes from “making children,” because babies have faces.

7. Blanket hornpipe
There is probably no way to use this in seriousness or discreetly, but there you have it.

8. Blow the grounsils
“Grounsils” are foundation timbers, so “on the floor.”

9. Convivial society
Similar to “amorous congress” in that this was a gentler term suitable for even the noble classes to use, even if they only whispered it.

10. Take a flyer
“Flyers” being shoes, this is “dressed, or without going to bed.”

11. Green gown
Giving a girl a green gown can only happen in the grass.

12. Lobster kettle
A woman who sleeps with soldiers coming in at port is said to “make a lobster kettle” of herself.

13. Melting moments
Those shared by “a fat man and woman in amorous congress.”

14. Pully hawly
A game at pully hawly is a series of affairs.

15. St. George
In the story of St. George and the Dragon, the dragon reared up from the lake to tower over the saint. “Playing at St. George” casts a woman as the dragon and puts her on top.

16. A stitch
Similar to having a brush, “making a stitch” is a casual affair.

17. Tiff
A tiff could be a minor argument or falling-out, as we know it. In the 19th century, it was also a term for eating or drinking between meals, or in this case, a quickie.

source http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/140163